Why I Can’t Rally As the World Burns

Every time I look up from my latest read (or current manuscript) to see what’s what in the world, I’m reminded why I don’t look up very often. Then I return to living between the pages of a world someone has so lovingly created. 

Don’t get me wrong. I give a shit. I do.

Knowing that ICE is doing horrific things at the behest of the administration, that these perilous times call for every ounce of sanity one can muster, that animals are being bred and slaughtered at alarming rates due to overpopulation, that everyday is a fight for so many for too many reasons, that we are eating shit because there’s almost (if any) no regulation on what we’re stuffing in our faces, that wild animals are on the brink of extinction, that inflated housing prices and Airbnb hosts buying everything aids homelessness, that insurance in this country is a sick and twisted business, that human life holds almost no value anymore, that AI is taking over and humanity will become obsolete (maybe not in my lifetime but eventually)…are enough reasons to make a good person go mad.

So, what then?

What’s a Highly Sensitive, Intuitive and Empathic Person to Do?

You go about your day as best you can, finding joy wherever you’re able, raising your vibration, doing what you can to support humanity—“damn the man, save the empire” (IYKYK)—however that looks for you.

If someone is seen to be finding and spreading joy in the midst of all this shit, do not be mistaken—they’re not unbothered. They might not use their social media platform to riot or attend the next protest because, energetically, they aren’t able. That is not indicative of insensitivity or willful ignorance.

What this means for me and many others who are highly sensitive people (HSP) and intuitive empaths is that many (not all) of us have sensory processing sensitivity along with high environmental sensitivity and tend to be deep feelers who are easily overwhelmed. Simply put: our nervous systems and what our noggins process are deeply affected by external stimuli; we can only take so much.

These aren’t meant to be generalized statements, lots of folks can be empathic, sensitive…etc. but only 1-2 percent are highly empathic and highly sensitive.

It Starts in the Womb

When I was young, my mother would tell anyone around me, “Be easy, Mickey’s very sensitive.” I don’t know what caused her to introduce me with a disclaimer. Maybe she thought I was weaker, cried easier? Now I know exactly what she meant, and I find it fascinating that she knew. 

My threshold for absorbing the world’s pain is so low, and it wasn’t a choice. I was hard-wired, preprogrammed this way.

I can hardly endure itchy material, loud noises, strong odors (I don’t stand a chance around 99% of perfumes or deodorants), volatile moods/vibes and high-energy environments, a subtle shift in my surroundings, being around more than, like, four people at a time, or too much caffeine.

So, you can imagine my threshold for bigger issues is way lower. My nervous system crashes, and I get sick immediately after (it feels like a long-ass hangover).

I Care…I Just Care Too Much

In moments of stress and high pressure, I might seem cool, stoic. But I am panicking on the inside; my brain is going into overdrive—unsure whether to respond or run. Being hyper-vigilant most of the time anyway puts me at a disadvantage and I won’t be helpful in a crisis. Or it could go the other way: I freak into Wonderwoman mode. I don’t know, and I don’t want to put my taxed nervous system to the test.

I can’t do protests because at the one BLM rally I attended, I thought I was going to pass out from the justified anguish I felt around me—this is also why I can’t interpret such events. I don’t participate in heavy discussions on social medias, I can’t do concerts (attend or interpret, though I used to), accept last-minute anything, host or attend many gatherings…I don’t have the bandwidth for it.

Ghandi Did It Quietly

There is a book that, if you’re in the same boat as me, you might enjoy. Social Justice for the Sensitive Soul: How to Change the World in Quiet Ways by Dorcas Cheng-Tozun. It helps so much, and I don’t feel so down on myself for not doing what other badasses are doing—those things I’m unable to do with any level of sanity (and I need all the sanity I can garner, just ask my husband).

I’m learning, and more importantly accepting, where my strengths lie and that who I am and what I can do is something, is enough. While others are front-and-center (we need you), there need to be folks making calls, researching, creating, building, connecting, and keeping record. In the quieter spaces.

I can call Senators and Reps, I can cheer on front-line movers and shakers. I can vote with my dollar (eff you Target, Home Depot, Lowe’s, Amazon Prime, FedEx, UPS, and others), and I can create a world you’ll want to escape to. I may not be able to Storm the Castle, but I can definitely be a safe, nurturing, healing, and fun space for you to come home to.

Ghandi was quiet, but he left quite a mark and no doubt he possessed and ethereal energy that drew people to him.

Maybe keeping my nose in books seems selfish or willfully ignorant. It doesn’t feel that way for me, and frankly, it is saving me, giving me reason not to leave Earth earlier than my contract states.

Maybe I’ll write something that saves somebody else? Honestly, that’s all an author wants—to leave behind something that saves someone, makes them feel less alone, less other, as the world burns. My own characters rescue me everyday, and I love them for it.

You can find me trying to save humanity in my own quiet, creative way as I click-clack at my computer while I still can. Come to me for comfort, relief, and another world to escape to for a little while because, baby, that’s all I got right now.